Zumindest fühlt es sich so an

Ich mache alles falsch.

Wie immer.

Immer mache ich alles falsch.

Zumindest fühlt es sich so an.

Mir hängt nur Gemecker in den Ohren.

Urteilende Worte.

Warnungen.

Befehle.

Werde unter Druck gesetzt.

Oft.

Immer.

Zumindest fühlt es sich so an.

Manche meinen es gut, manche denken sich gar nichts dabei.

Und die, die es gut meinen, merken es meist nicht.

Setzen mich unbewusst unter Druck.

Und dann weine ich.

Dann liege ich da.

Und die Tränen laufen meine Wange hinunter.

Wie so oft.

Wie immer.

Zumindest fühlt es sich so an.

Ich weiß selbst, dass das nicht richtig ist.

Ich weiß selbst, ich sollte das nicht tun.

Ich weiß selbst, ich sollte damit aufhören.

Doch der Schmerz schlägt meiner Vernunft in die Fresse.

Ich kann nicht.

Ich kann nicht mehr.

Generell nicht mehr.

Zumindest fühlt es sich so an.

Wonders of Nature

I'm sitting here.

The train drives me my way.

I'm passing the most different landscapes.

There are the plains with the green grass and the beautiful flowers.

Sometimes there are animals who are eating the tasty grass.

Cows, horses and sheep.

They're all living together in peace.

I spot some trees on the plains.

Every tree stands alone but that makes the picture even more beautiful and idyllic.

Then, I pass a deep dark forest.

There are lots of trees which are standing close together.

It seems as if they're hugging each other.

So many trees and so many different trees living close together.

Friendly and in peace.

No tree distributes another kind of tree.

The forest looks very beautiful but mysterious.

I can't look deep inside the forest because it's so dark.

But I think, a nice forest has to be dark and has to stay untouched.

Now, I pass a big city.

I can't spot a single green stain in it.

No trees, not one.

I see the rooftops of tons of houses.

The whole city seems to be very industrial.

I wonder if there's a park inside this grey hole.

Some big cities can be really pretty

At nighttime, all the lights are shining bright and bring colourful light into the usually grey city.

But the city I'm passing is not like that.

It's actually really ugly.

I wouldn't want to live in a city like that.

Now it starts to rain.

Not only a little but very heavy, hard raindrops hit the window glass and take my view from the world outside.

I close my eyes and start to dream..

Maybe

Love.

It's a big word.

If you just let it go and let it do what it has to do, you will get more of it.

Maybe.

Or it can let you fall apart.

It could destroy you.

It could kill you.

But another person could help you.

Maybe.

The person could help you to live.

And to forgive.

And to trust.

Maybe.

If you let him.

If you would let him.

But it could be that you won't.

Maybe.

And then the person would still try to help you.

He can make you strong.

And then you could fight against death.

And you could win.

Maybe.

But do you really want that?

Do you want the love to destroy you?

Or do you want to live and love?

Love a person you can trust and forgive and you can live with?

Your whole life?

And now I guess, your answer will be:

Maybe.